1000+ Dirty Adult Jokes In Hindi

latest and Update Adult Jokes.

Santa Aur Banta Ka Ek Rishtedar Hospital Mein Admit Thha

Dono Usko Milne Hospital Gaye. Doctor Ne Operation Theater Ke Bahar Wait Karne Ko Kaha

Operation Theater Ke Bahar Dustbin Mein Surgical Glove Pada Hua Thha.

Santa Banta Usko Kuch Der Tak Dekhte Rahe Fir Achanak Banta Ne Santa Se Pucha

Banta: “Yaar Ye Kya Cheez Hai? Pahle Kabhi Nahi Dekhi”

Santa Ne Kuch Der Socha Aur Bola

Santa: “Yaar Ye To Confirm Hai Ki Ye Hai To Condom Hi, Lekin Shayad Draupdi Ke Jamane Ka Hai“
——————–

Chodo

Chodo

Aur Chodo

Aur Aur Chodo

Kyoki

Cigaratte

Chhodne Se Hi Chhutegi..
——————–

Bus Stop Par Chinki Bus Ki Wait Kar Rahi Thi Aur Apne Mobile Par Kisi Se Baat Kar Rahi Thi

Ek Ashiq Mizaz Ladka Uske Pass Aaya Aur Shayarana Andaaz Mein Bola

Ladka: “Kaash Mein Mobile Hota Aur Tere Gaal Se Laga Hota”

Chinki Muskura Ke Boli: “Sachi, Par Soch Le Main Ghar Jaakar Charger Phir Tere Kahaan Lagati“
——————–

Santa Apni Shaadi Ke Teen Din Pehle Call Girl Ke Paas Sex Ke Liye Jata Hai.

Call Girl Ko Itna Maja Aa Raha Tha Ke Usne Uske Land Pe Chaki (Bite) Kaat Li,

Santa Doctor Ke Paas Gaya, Doctor Ne Uske Land Per Patti Bandh Ke Tape Lagai Aur Use Achi Tarah Pack Kar Diya.

Jab Teen Din Baad Santa Ki Shaadi Hui To Wo Apni Patni Ke Saath Suhaag Raat Banane Laga. Uski Patni Ne Kaha.

Patni: “Lo Ji Sonyo, Pesh Hai Ek Dam Fresh & Unused Choot”

Santa Ka Dimag Bhi Kam Kiya Aur Vo Bola

Santa: “Tu Fresh Ki Baat Kar Rahi Hai, Idhar Hamne To Aaj Tak Lode Ki Packing Bhi Nahi Kholi“
——————–

Ye Tab Ki Baat Hai, Jab Pappu 5th Class Mein Thha.

Uski Class Ki Ek Teacher Pregnant Thhi, Usko Dekh Ke Ek Din Pappu Bola

Pappu: “Madam Aapko Beta Hone Wala Hai Ya Beti?”

Madam Bade Pyar Se Boli: “Ye Baat Mujhe Kaisi Pata Hogi?”

Pappu: “Madam Mujhe Pata Hai Aapko Kya Hone Wala Hai, Aapko Ladka Hone Wala Hai”

Teacher Hairani Se: “Arey, Tujhe Ye Baat Kaisi Pata?”

Pappu: “Mam Vo Jab Aap Chair Pe Pair Utha Ke Beth Ti Ho To Ander Se Uski Mooche Dikhti Hai“
——————–

Bikhari Ne Ek Aadmi Ke Ghar Ka Darwaja Khatkataya Aur Bola

Bhikari: “Babuji, Bhagwaan Ke Naam Par Roti Milegi?”

Babuji: “Akela Hoon Ghar Pe Koi Aurat Nahi Hai”

Bhikari: “Babuji, Taqleef Pet Mein Hai Lund Mein Nahi, Roti Maangi Hai Choot Nahi“
——————–

Santa Roz Biwi Ko Sex Ke Waqt Bolta Tha.

Santa: “Aur Tight Kar – Aur Tight Kar, Achhe Se Tight Kar”

Biwi Tang Aakar Ek Din Gusse Se Boli: “Bhosdi Ke Bahar Jaa Ke Ganne Ke Juice Ki Machine Main Dal Le, Tight Bhi Pura Hoga Aur Juice Bhi Jyada Niklega“
——————–

Teacher Ne Class Mein Pappu Se Pucha

Teacher: “Batao Ladkiya Dupatta Kyun Pahnti Hai?”

Pappu: “Mam, Science Ki Wajah Se”

Teacher: “Wo Kaisi”

Pappu: “Kyunki Science Bhi Is Baat Ko Manti Hai Ki Khane Peene Ki Cheezo Ko Dhakk Kar Rakhna Chahiye“
——————–

Ek Ladki Ka Dil Chay Peene Ko Kiya

Par Jaise Hi Usne Fridge Khola To Usmein Doodh Hi Nahi Thha

Tabhi Use Idea Aya, Vo Apne Kamre Mein Gayi

Apne Kapde Utaare, Naye Kapde Pahne Aur Market Se Doodh Leke Aayi Aur Fir Chay Banake Pee.

Arey Aap Logo Ne Kyu Apna Pakad Liya Tha, Joke To Pura Veg Tha
——————–

Ek Bar Baba Saxidas Ji Ka Ek Bhakat Thha “Devender” Naam Ka

Uska Lund Bada Chota Thha, To Vo Hamesha Baba Ji Ke Piche Pada Rahta Thha Aur Puchta Thha

“Baba Ji, Kirpya Mere Ko Apna Lund Bada Karne Ka Upaye Bataye”

Baba Ji Hamesha Usko Taal Dete Thhe, Par Ek Din Usne Jidd Hi Pakad Li Aur Baba Ji Ke Dwar Par Beth Gaya.

Baba Ji Ne Akhir Tang Aakar Usko Ek Bahut Hi Secret Tarika Lund Bada Karne Ka Bata Hi Diya.

Baba Ji Ne Kaha Ki Ek Sunder Si Callgirl Ko Ek Mahine Ka Advance Rent Deke Book Kar Le.

Fir Uski Chut Ki Acche Se Shave Karke Uske Aur Apne Sare Kapde Kapde Utar Ke Bed Pe Lita Le

Ab Apne Lund Ko Uski Chut Se Thoda Sa Fix Duri Par Rakh, Jitna Bhi Tera Dil Kare Lund Ko Chut Se Touch Na Karne Diyo.

Pure Ek Mahine Tak Isi Tarha Se Lund Ko Rok Ke Rakhiyo, Kisi Bhi Hal Mein Chut Se Touch Tak Na Karne Diyo

Ek Mahine Ke Baad Jab Tu Check Kargea To Payega Ki Tera Lund Ab Chut Ko Touch Karne Lag Gaya Hai

Aur Utna Badd Chuka Hai Jitni Tune Chut Se Duri Rakhi Thi.

Devender Ne Hairan Hoke Pucha Ki: “Aisi Kaisi Baba Ji?”

To Baba Ji Muskuraye Aur Bole

“Beta Chut Ki Pyas Itni Buri Hai Ki Lund Apne Ko Khinch Khich Ke Uski Taraf Le Jane Ki Koshish Karega Aur Uski Lambayi Badti Jayegi.”

————

Dosto Aap Bhi Ye Tarika Try Karke Dekhna, Agar Aapne Rules Ko Follow Kiya To 100% Aapka Lund Bada Ho Jayega.. hehehehe
——————–

Santa Abhi Usa Mein Hi Thha Aur Soch Raha Tha Ki Vapis Jane Se Pahle Kisi Gori Ko Choda Jaye.

Pahunch Gaya Ek Gori Ke Pass, Jo Paisi Leke Uske Sath Sex Karne Ko Tyar Ho Gayi.

Dono Jab Sex Kar Rahe Thhe To Santa Bich Mein Ek Dum Se Rukk Gaya Aur Motionless Ho Gaya.

Gori Ne Ye Dekha Aur Hairani Hui, Santa Se Boli.

Girl: “Hey Asshole What Are You Doing?”

Santa: “This Is A New Sex Style In India”

Girl: “Whattt?”

Santa: “Yes, I’ve Seen This On Porn Sites And Its Called Buffering“
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Ek Din Kutte Ka Pilla Apni Maa Se Poochta Hai: “Maa Mere Daddy Kaise Thhe??”

Maa: “Pata Nahi Beta Piche Se Hi Aaye The Aur Piche Se Hi Chale Gaye… Kuch Pata Nahi Chala“
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College Mein Naye Admission Hone Ke Baad Ek Ladke Aur Ladki Ke Beech Suni Gayi Ye Baat.

Adult Hindi Movies Name –
Khoon Bahri Gaand

Abla Nari Ka Babbla Bhari

Choot Ka Bhoot

Pati Fauj Mein Patni Mauj Mein
——————–

Ladka: “Aapka Naam Kya Hai?”

Ladki: “Pahan Ke Bataun Ya Bol Ke?”

Ladka: “Matlab?”

Ladki: “Payal”

Ladka: “Ohh”

Ladki: “Aur Aapka?”

Ladka: “Haath Mein Doon Ya Muh Mein?”

Ladki Hairani Se: “Matlab?”

Ladka: “Prasad“
——————–

Ek Aadmi Ki Nayi Nayi Shadi Hui, November Ka Mahina Thha Aur Kadake Ki Sardi Padd Rahi Thi.

Kamre Mein Aate Hi Vo Rajayi Mein Gussa Aur So Gaya.

Patni Ne Ye Dekha Aur Thodi Der Bad Usko Kohni Mar Ke Boli.

Patni: “Suno Ji, Meri Taango Ke Bich Mein Ek Mori (Hole) Bhi Hai”

Aadmi Ne Ye Suna Aur Gusse Se Bola: “To Band Kar Us Mori Ko, Main Bhi Sochu Rajayi Mein Thandi Hawa Kaha Se Aa Rahi Hai“
——————–

Swimming Pool Me Tairne Wale, Ghas Nahi Dekha Karte,

Sachhe Ashiq Karne Ke Pahle, Aas Paas Nahi Dekha Karte,

Jaldi Se Chod Ke Chale Jaate Hain, Chodne Wale,

Ladki Buri Hai Ya Jhakkas Ye Bakwas Nahi Dekha Karte
——————–

Chinki Aur Uski Saheli Pinky Class Mein Bethe Baatein Kar Rahe Thhe.

Achanak Pinky Ke Dimag Mein Ek Sawal Aya Aur Usne Chinki Se Puchha.

Pinky: “Chinki Yaar Ek Baat To Bata”

Chinki: “Puch?”

Pinky: “Yaar Hamare Sir Ke Baal Bahut Jaldi Safed Ho Jate Hai Magar Niche Ke Nahi, Esa Kyu Hai?”

Chinky Huste Hue: “Ja Pagli, Itna Bhi Nahi Pata, Niche Ke Baal Sir Ke Balo Se 14 Saal Chote Jo Hote Hai“
——————–

Pappu Ki Girl-Friend Usko Sex Nahi Karne Deti Thi, Bahut Bar Usne Try Karne Ki Koshish Ki Par Kamyabi Na Mili

To Pappu Ke Dimag Mein Ek Din Idea Aya Aur Vo Apni Girl-Friend Ko Bola

Pappu: “Doggy Style Mein Sex Karne Se Aankhon Ki Roshni Bhadti Hai?”

Girl-Friend Hairani Se Boli: “Achha, Tumhe Kaise Pata?”

Pappu: “Kya Kabhi Kisi Kutte Ko Chasma Lagaye Dekha Hai?”

——–

Aap Logo Ka To Pata Nahi Par Apni Ankho Ki Rohsni Bhadane Ke Chakkar Mein Ladki Ne Pappu Ke Sath Sex Kar Liya Tha
——————–

College Mein Pappu Aur Uski Ek Friend Canteen Ke Bahar Bethe Baatein Kar Rahe Thhe

Pappu Ki Friend Ne Ahista Se Pappu Ko Bola

Ladki: “Main Apni Zindagi Mein Koi Lamba Hath Maarna Chahti Hoon”

Pappu Kameene Pan Se Bola: “Tum Sirf Hath Maaro Lamba Khud Hi Ho Jayega“
——————–

Bus Stop Par Chinki Bus Ki Wait Kar Rahi Thi Aur Apne Mobile Par Kisi Se Baat Kar Rahi Thi

Ek Ashiq Mizaz Ladka Uske Pass Aaya Aur Shayarana Andaaz Mein Bola

Ladka: “Kaash Mein Mobile Hota Aur Tere Gaal Se Laga Hota”

Chinki Muskura Ke Boli: “Sachi, Par Soch Le Main Ghar Jaakar Charger Phir Tere Kahaan Lagati“
——————–

Pappu Aur Paheli
Ek School Mein Madam Ne Bachchon Se Kaha: Aaj Kuch Mazedaar Paheliyan Puchti Hun, Jara Sochkar Jawab Dena.

Bachche: Ji Madam.

Madam: Aisa Kaun Sa Paan Hai Jisko Khaya Nahin Jaa Sakta?

Saaal Sunte Hi Pappu Zor-Zor Se Hasne Laga… Yahan Tak Ki Haste Haste Neeche Bhi Gir Gaya.

Madam: Kya Hua Pappu? Itni Hasi Kyun Aa Rahi Hai??

Pappu: Kya Madam, Aap Bhi Na Kaise Kaise Sawaaal Karti Hain? Iska Jawab Hai “Stanpan”.

Madam: Nalayak, Gadhe… Iska Jawaab Hai Japan… Jab Dekho Ulti-Seedhi Baatein Sochte Rehte Ho, Nikal Jao Meri Class Se….
——————–

Bade Ghar Ki Bahurani
Bihar Ke Is Gaon Mein Cinema Hall Waale Aaj Bhi Film Ka Prachaar Rikshaw Mein Loudspeaker Laga Ke Karte Hain. Ek Din Ek Nayi Film Aayi Aur Uska Announcemnt Kuch Is Tarah Se Ho Raha Tha:

Aaiye, Aaiye, Aaiye…
Bade Ghar Ki Bahurani Ke Maje Lijye, Kal Se Din Mein Chaar Baar, 9 Se 12, 12 Se 3, 3 se 6, Aur 6 Se 9… Aur Raat Mein 9 Se 12…
Aage Ka 30 Rupya Aur Peeche Ka 50 Rupya… Aaiye, Aaiye, Aaiye…
——————–

Naughty Quickies
Banta Ki Shaadi Hui Aur Vo Apni Nayi Naveli Dulhan Ke Saath Suhaag Raat Manata Hai.
Preeto: Piche Nahi aage Dalte Hain.
Banta: Tuje Kaise pata?
Preeto: Mera dost Mere Aage Se Dalta Tha.
Banta: Chup Kar Mera dost Mere Pichche Dalta Tha.
——————–

Jija Aur Saali in a Sunsaan Jungle
Ek Aadmi Apni Saali Ke Saath Ek Sunsaan Jungle Se Ja Raha Tha.

Sali: Jija Ji Kahin Aap Is Mauke Ka Phaida Utha Ke Mere Saath Zabardasti Toh Nahin Karenge?

Jija: Tumhe Dikhta Nahi Mere Ek Haath Mein Bakri Aur Danda Hai, Aur Doosre Haath Mein Murga, Rassi Aur balti Hai. Main Kaise Kuch Kar Sakta Hoon.

Sali: Kyon Nahi Kar Sakte, Agar Aap Danda Zameen Mein Gaad Ke Rassi Say Bakri Ko Baandh Do, Aur Balti Ko Ulta Karke Murge Ke Upar Rakh Do Toh Aap Sab Kuch Kar Sakte Ho, Mujhe Aapse Bahut Dar Lag Raha Hai……………….

Moral of the story: Man is always innocent. Women gives ideas…
——————–

Santa Aur Pappu Da Jawab Nahin…
Santa Ne Apni Taxi Bechkar XEROX Ki Shop Khol Li.
Banta Ne Jab Usse Iski Vajah Puchi Toh Santa Bola: Yaara Dil Khush Ho Jaata Hai Jab Ladkiyan Aakar Kehti Hain “Santa Ji, Aage Piche Sono Side Se Kar Do…”

Santa, Raat Ke Andhere Mein: Oye Jeeto Yaar, Ye Condom Itna Chhota or Sakht Kyun Hai?
Jeeto: O Bina Dimaag Ke Jaanwar, Woh Bachche Ke Dhoodh Peene Ka Nipple Hai, Utaar Ise……

Pappu First Time Medical Store Pe Condom Lene gaya. Par Wahan Jakar Bhul Gaya Ki Condom Maangna Hai. Usko Condom Word Yaad Nahin Aa Raha Tha. Kaafi Der Tak Sochne Ke Baad Pappu Ne Zip Khol Ke Kaha: O Yaar, Iska Body Cover De Do!!!

Maths Teacher: Pappu Tere Paasd 6 Lollipops Hain, 2 Rinku Ko Diye, 3 Pinku Ko Diye, 1 Raju Ko Diya Toh Tumhaare Paas Kya Bacha?
Pappu: Ghanta Bacha! Woh Aap Choos Lena…
——————–

Pati Patni aur Naughty Humor
Husband: Arey, Ye Defective Condoms Sofe Pe Kyun Pade Hue Hain???
Wife: Kyaaa…!!!??? Kahan???
Wife goes to find them and comes back angrily saying: Agar Tumne Phir Kabhi Hamare Bachchon Ko “Defective Condoms” Bolna Nahin Chhoda Toh Mein Tumhari Jaan Le Lungi…

Ek Ladka Apni Girlfriend Ke Saath Sex Kar Raha Tha.
Ladka Achanak Bola: Jaanu, You Know… Mujhe AIDS Hai…
Girlfriend: KYA?
Ladka: Ghabrao Mat… Mein Mazaak Kar Raha Hun, Bas Tumhaari Tight Karni Thi…!!!

Kaun Si Biwi Sanskaro Wali Hoti Hai?
Pati Daru Pee Ke Ghar Aaye Aur Biwi Puchhe:
Ji Pehle Condom Lagaun Yae Khana!

Judge Hearing a divorce case.
Judge to Husband: Tumhe Divorce Kyun Chahiye?
Husband: Judge Saab, I am not satisfied with her on bed.
Judge to Wife: Aapko Is Baare Mein Kuch Kehna Hai???
Wife: Sare Mohalle Waale Khush Hain, Sabki Tassali Karwa Deti Hun, Bas Isi Harami Ke Nakhre Khatam Nahin Hote…
——————–

Male vs Female Minds
Ek Psychologist Ne Ladko Aur Ladkiyon Ke Dimag Mein Kya Chalta Hai Iske Baare Mein Detail Mein Research Ki Aur Ye Result Nikaala…

Female Brain:
10% – Jewellery
30% – Shopping
25% – Money
20% – Enjoyment
14% – Kitchen Care
1% – Deni Hai

Male Brain:
96% – Leni hai…
1% – Kaise Leni Hai…
1% – Kiski Leni Hai…
1% – Kab Leni hai…
——————–

Short but Hilarious
Friend 1: Kal Meri Girlfriend Ka Birthday Hai, Uske Haath Main Kya Gift Dun?
Friend 2: Apna De De!!!
Friend 1: Mazaak Mat Kar Yaar, Koi Badi Cheez Bata.
Friend 2: Toh Mera De De!!!

Bas Mein Bethi Ek Ladki Ki T-Shirt Pe Car Bani Hui Thi. Uske Saath Chota Bachha Baitha Use Dekh Raha Tha.
Ladki Bachche Ko Dekhte Hue Muskura Ke Boli: Car Chalani Hai Kya?
Bachcha: Nahi Car Toh Nahi Chalani, Par Agar Aap Ki Ijazat Ho Toh Horn Baja Loon?

Question: Which Is The Only Hindi Measurement Unit That Describes Time, Length, Weight, Heat, Light, Power, Noise Etc. Everything At Minimum Value?
Answer: Jhaant Barabar!!!

Question: Who Sang This Song?
Main Pal Do Pal Ka Shayar Hoon, Pal Do Pal Meri Jawani Hai, Pal Do Pal Meri Masti Hai, Pal Do Pal Kahani Hai.
Answer: An Erect Penis.

Tailor Ladki Ka Maap Lete Hue: Tumhaara Koi Boyfriend hai ?
Girl: Haan Ji Hai, Lekin Kyun ???
Tailor: Usse Bolna Thode Din Left Side Pe Zyaada Dhyaan De, Fitting Sahi Baithegi.
——————–

Some Quick Naughty Stuff
Wife: Jaanu, Aaj Sex Ho Jaye.
Husband: Aaj Nahi.
Wife: Kyun?
Husband: Aaj Condom Laana Bhul Gaya.
Wife: Teri Toh Roz Ki magaj Maari Hai… Lamination Karva Le!

Ek Husband Sex Ke Baad Wife Ki Wife Ki BRA Dete Hue: Yeh Lo Apne Doodh k Dhakkan…
Unsatisfied Wife, Gusse Se, Underwear Dete Hue: “Ye Lo Apne Murday ka Kafan…”

Suhaagrat Ki Raat Ko Dulha Apni Nayi Naveli Dulhan Se Puchhta Hai: Sach-Sach Bata Kabhi Kiya Hai Ki Nahi?
Dulhan: Nahi Jaanu, Kabhi Kiya Nahi, Bas Hamesha Karwaya Hai.

Height of Job satisfaction.
Stud gets a job in girls hostel…
After 2 months the owner asked: Arey Bhai, Tum Apni Salary Lene Kyun Nahin Aaye?
Stud, Badi Hairaani Se: KYA..!!!? Salary Bhi Milegi…!

Santa was looking at name plate of an air hostess above her left breast: KOMAL !
With lots of confusion he asked: Doosra Waala KADAK Hai Kya?
——————–

 

My First Time…
Do Ladkiyaan Aapas Mein Ek-Dusre Se Baatein Kar Rahi Thi.

Pehli: Kal Mera First Time Tha.

Dusri: Oh Really, Kya Hua?

Pehli: Shuru Mein Dheere-Dheere Andar Liya Aur Dheere Se Bahar Nikaala.

Dusri: Dheere Se Kyun?

Pehli: Unhone Bataya Tha, Pehle Dheere-Dheere Karna Hai.

Dusri: Theek Hai, Phir? Pahli: Pehle 10 Minute Tak Aise Hi Kiya, Badi Mushkil Hui Kaabu Karne Mein.

Dusri: Uske Baad Kya Hua?

Pahli: Phir Thoda Teji Se Liya, Phir Aur Tej… Phir Aur Tez.

Dusri: Hmmmmmm Phir, Pihir Kya Hua?

Pehli: Phir Jhatke Se Andar Leti Gayi, Aur Jhatke Se Bahar Nikaalti Gayi.

Dusri: Oh My God.

Pehli: Saare Room Mein Aawaaz Goonjne Lagi, Kaafi Der Tak Kiya, Teji Se Lete Aur Bahar Nikaalte Hue Dard Bhi Shuru Ho Gaya Tha.

Dusri: Aage Bataaaa, Phir Kya Hua.

Pehli: Bas Yaar Mere Yoga Teacher Ne Kaha Aise Hi Pranayaam Mein Apne Saans Ko Kaabu Karo, Anand Aayega.
——————–

Indian Wife
A Negro wanted to go to a fancy dress party. He told his Indian wife to get a costume. Wife gets a snowman suit.

Negro: WTF!!! You bloody Indian… have you seen a black snowman! Get me another one.

She gets a Santa suit.

Negro: WTF!!! You bloody Indian! Have you ever seen a black Santa! Get another suit!

Wife, gets pissed and brings a bamboo stick.

Negro: What am I to do with this?

Wife: Gaand Mein Daal Aur Chocobar Banja BHENCHOD!!
——————–

Farak Toh Padta Hai
Teacher Sex Education Ke Period Mein Bachho Ko Samjha Rahi Thia.

Teacher: Sex Ke Time Condom Use Karne Se Safety Bhi Rahti Hai Aur Enjoyment Mein Fark Nahi Padta.

Ek Ladki Jisne Pehle Sex Kiya Hua Tha, Ye Sun Kar Boli.

Mam, Polythene Mein Rasgulla Daal Ke Chooso, Pata Chal Jayega Ki Farak Padta Hai Ya Nahi?
——————–

Sweets and Celebrations
Shadi Hui, Khub Mithaai Bati;
Pehla Bachcha Hua, Khub Mithaai Bati;
Dusra Bachcha Hua, Phir Mithai Bati;
5 Saal Baad, Bachchon Ka School Admission Karwane Gaya, Donation 2 Lac+ Fees 1,50,000;
Aadmi Ghar Aakar Khub Roya Toh Biwi Boli: Janu Meri Phati Toh Khub Mithaai Baati, Khud Ki Phati Toh Rona Aa Gaya???
——————–

Orange Slices
Ek Baar Santa Ka Dost Jaspal USA Se Santa Ki Poori Family Ke Liye Kapde Gift Leke Aata Hai. Sare Kapde “Lee” Brand Ke The. USA Wala Dost Sante Ko Kapde Dene Lagta Hai Aur Kehne Lagta Hai:
Yeh Teri Baap Ki Lee
Yeh Tere Maa Ki Lee
Yeh Tere Behan Ki Lee
Yeh Tere Bhai Ki Lee
Yeh Tere Bhabhi Ki Lee

Sante Yeh Sun Ke Gussa Ho Jaata Hai, Usko Lagta Ki Jaspal ske Parivar Ki Beizzati Kar Raha Hai. Santa Kitchen Mein Jaake Ek Santra “Orange” Le Aata Hai Aur Chhil Ke Dost Ko Deta Hai Aur Kehne Lagta Hai:
Aah Tere Pioo De Faadi “Slice”
Aah Teri Maa De Faadi
Aah Teri Behan De Faadi
Aah Tere Bhra De Faadi
Aah Teri Bhaabhi De Faadi
Aah Teri Gharwali De Faadi…
——————–

Hindi Di Punjabi…
Hindi: Aur Kaise Ho Aap?
Punjabi: Hor Fudi Diya Kidaan?

Hindi: Maine Aapse Kuch Nahi Kaha.
Punjabi: Main Kehra Teri Bund Maar Layi?

Hindi: Main Abhi Aapko Theek Karta Hoon.
Punjabi: Main Huney Teri Bhain Di Lun Dinda.

Hindi: Yeh Sab Kisne Kiya?
Punjabi: Aah Kehne Bhain Chudayi Apni ?

Hindi: Main Aapko Pasand Nahi Karta.
Punjabi: Main Teri Bund Ni Maarda.

Hindi: Aap Mein Risk Laine Ki Himmat Nahi Hai.
Punjabi: Tere Tattya Ch Dum Haini !!!

Hindi: Aap Ne Jo Krna Hai Kar Lena.
Punjabi: Tu Patt Layi Jehra Lun Puttna.

Hindi: Uski Baat Na Karo.
Punjabi: Bund Maar Ohdi.

Hindi: Aap Ne Mauka Gawa Diya Hai.
Punjabi: Lun Farh La Hun…
——————–

A girl was handling Pappu,s cock for the first time.
After some time few drops came out, she Asked, Ye Kya Hai Pappu???
Pappu: Kuch Nahin, Khushi Ke Aansoo hain…
——————–

Pappu: Bhaisaab Ek Condom Dena. Maine Girl Friend Ko Gift Dena Hai.
Dukandar: Is Par Cover Chada Dun Kya?
Santa: Arre Nahin Bhai, Ye Cover Hi Hai, Gift Toh Mere Paas Hai.
——————–

Cricket Ka Fever…
Sidharth was shaving… comes out of the bathroom bleeding…
Wife: What Happened ?
Sidharth: Blade Ka Baahari Kinara Laga…

Sidharth was Masturbating and his wife came….
Wife: Yeh Kya Kar Rahe Ho ?
Sidharth: Kalaaiyon Ka Behatarin Upyog.

Sidharth was having sex and suddenly the condom tore off but he took out his immediately and shouted…
Bahut Kareebi Maamla Ho Sakta Tha Ye!

Wife: Ekdum se SlKyun Ho Gaye?
Sidharth: Chaturai Se Gati Parivartan Kiya Hai.

Sidharth,s wife: We will do it without condom tonight.
Sidharth: Koi Jokhim Uthaane Ki Avashyakta Nahi Hai.

Sidharth,s wife appears in a new lingerie.
Sidharth: Lalchaane Ki Koshish… Ye Ek Bahut Hi He Romaanchak Sthitee Hai.
——————–

Pati, Patni Aur…
A Newly Married Couple Kept having sex 24×7. Is Vajah Se Woh Kaafi Weak Bhi Feel Karte Hain but They did not Stop. Akhirkaar Wo Ek Doctor Ke Paas Jaate Hain.
Doctor Said: Have Sex only on those days which have “R” in it i.e. ThuRsday, fRiday or SatuRday.
Couple Agreed.
On Monday Husband Asks his Wife: Darling Whats the Day Today?
Wife gives a Naughty smile n says: SomvaaR.
MORAL: Horny Ko Kaun Taal Sakta Hai !!!
——————–

Red Ring!
Ek Aadmi Ke Penis Ke Chaaron Taraf Ek Laal Rang Ka Ghera Ban Gaya Tha. Pareshani Ki Haalat Mein Wo Doctor Ke Paas Gaya, Aur Nishaan Dikhaya.

Doctor: Koi Baat Nahi, Ye Cream Lagao. Aur Agar Na Theek Hua Toh Dubara Dikha Lena.

Kuch Din Baad Wahi Aadmi Phir Se Aa Gaya Aur Bola: Doctor Sahab Ye Toh Theek Hi Nahi Ho Raha, Koi Achchi Si Dawa Do.

Doctor: Koi Baat Nahi Ye Doosari Cream Lagao, Theek Ho Jayega.

3 Din Baad Vo Fir Se Vaapis Aa Gaya: Doctor Sahab, Please Koi Dhang Ka Ilaaz Karo, Main Bahut Pareshaan Hun.

Doctor: Hmm, Ye Lo Nayi Cream, Special America Se Aayi Hai, Ab Pakka Theek Ho Jayega.

Thode Din Baad Fir Wahi Aadmi Rota Hua Doctor Ke Pass Aaya Aadmi: Doctor Sahab, Ye To Ab Bhi Theek Nahi Hua

Doctor Ne Kuch Socha Aur Use Ek Lotion Diya Aur Bola: Lo Is Baar Isko Laga Kar Dekho.

Agle Din Hi Wo Aadmi Khushi Se Naachta Hua Doctor Ke Pass Aaya: Doctor Sahab Kamaal Ho Gaya Ye To Theek Ho Gaya, Is Baar Kon Si Dawa Di Thi.

Doctor: Kuch Nahi Is Baar Lipstick Remover Diya Tha.
——————–

Suhaag Raat Mein Wife: Muje Gabhrahat Ho Rahi Hai.
Husband: Tumhare Ye Pehli Raat Hai Isiliye ?
Wife: Nahi Ji Raat Mein Pehli Baar Hai Isiliye.
——————–

Apni Suhagrat Ko Pati Achhe Tarike Se Sex Nahi Kar Paya.
Subha Dulhe Ki Maa Ne Bahurani Se Puchha: Bahu, Suhagrat Kaisi Rahi?
Bahu Udasi Se: Maa Ji Kya Batau, Grah Parvesh Toh 2 Baar Hua, Par Grah Shanti Nahi Ho Paayi.
——————–

Wife: Zara Ye Bra Ka Hook Laga Dijiye Na, Please.
Husband: I will Charge 4 Kisses.
Wife: Rahne Do, Padosi Se Free Mein Lagva Leti Hun, Wo Haath Daal Kar Set Bhi Kar Denge.
——————–

Kisi Budhe Shayar Se Ek Naujawan Ladke Ne Puchha
Ladka: “Ustaad Ji, Ye Choot Kya Hoti Hai?”
Shayar: “Choot Is A Maal Nothing But Kamaal Andar Se Laal Surrounded By Baal Jo Chode Woh Nihaal Jo Chudwaye Woh Be-Haal“
——————–

Today I was in an auto when the auto driver said:
“I love this job. I am my own boss and nobody tells me what to do.”
Then I replied,
“Lavde, aage se left le”
——————–

Judge – rape ke time jab usne muh mein dene ki koshish ki to tumne daaton se kyo nahi kaata?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Lady – I cant, am pure jain, i dont eat Lavda Lasun.
——————–

Most Versatile Gaali
Enjoy India,s most versatile sound. “Bhenchod” in 9 different moods:

ANGER: Hatt bhenchod!

FRUSTRATION: Sab Chutiye Hain Bhenchod…

ACCEPTANCE: Sahi Hai Bhenchod…
REJECTION: Gaand Mara Bhenchod…
FEAR: Bhenchod, Ab Kya Hoga…
SORROW: Bhenchod Maa Bhen ek Ho Gayi…
SHOCK: O… Bhennnn… Chhodd…!
AUTHORITY: Bhenchod Ko Kah De Ki Maine Bola Hai…
And the last and the best one
CELEBRATION: Nacho Bhenchod.
——————–

Naughty Pappu
Pappu Phone Pe: Ye Kaha Ka Number Hai ?

Constable: Police Station.

Pappu: Haath Mein Kya Hai?

Constable: Danda Hai, Kyun?

Pappu: Apne Peeche Le Lo Isko…

Ye Keh Ke Pappu Ne Phone Kaat Diya. Constable Ne Number Nikaal Ke Usi Number Pe Phone Kia Toh Pappu Ki Maa Ne Phone Uthaya.

Constable: Yaha Se Kisi Bachche Ne Phone Kiya Aur Kaha Ke Danda Apne Pichwaade Mein Daal Lo.

Maa: Kitni Der Pehle?

Constable: 10 Minute Huye.

Maa: Ohh… Sorry… Kaafi Der Ho Gayi, Nikaal Lo… Aap Bhi Kahan Bachche Ki Baaton Mein Aa Gaye… ??????
——————–

Pappu Aur Paheli
Ek School Mein Madam Ne Bachchon Se Kaha: Aaj Kuch Mazedaar Paheliyan Puchti Hun, Jara Sochkar Jawab Dena.

Bachche: Ji Madam.

Madam: Aisa Kaun Sa Paan Hai Jisko Khaya Nahin Jaa Sakta?

Saaal Sunte Hi Pappu Zor-Zor Se Hasne Laga… Yahan Tak Ki Haste Haste Neeche Bhi Gir Gaya.

Madam: Kya Hua Pappu? Itni Hasi Kyun Aa Rahi Hai??

Pappu: Kya Madam, Aap Bhi Na Kaise Kaise Sawaaal Karti Hain? Iska Jawab Hai “Stanpaan”.

Madam: Nalayak, Gadhe… Iska Jawaab Hai Japan… Jab Dekho Ulti-Seedhi Baatein Sochte Rehte Ho, Nikal Jao Meri Class Se….
——————–

Owning a Laura
Skoda Laura is an excellent car… But people who have bought it are facing some very embarrasing moments.

For example:
Client to Bank Manager: Sirji Ek Laura Finance Karana Tha. Laure Pe Interest Kya Chal Raha Hai?

After taking delivery:
Wife Ne Laure ki Pooja Ki Aur Phir Pura Parivar Laure Pe Baith Ke Icecream Khaane Gaya.

Malkin to driver Driver Laura Nikalo.
Driver to Maalik: Sahab, Laura Dho Doon.

And last but not not the least…..
Neighbours:
Bete Ki Baraat Toh Sharma Ji ke laure Pe Nikalunga. Kyun Sharma Ji! Aapko Koi Takleef Toh nahi Hogi ???

———-

Hindi Di Punjabi…
Hindi: Aur Kaise Ho Aap?
Punjabi: Hor Fudi Diya Kidaan?

Hindi: Maine Aapse Kuch Nahi Kaha.
Punjabi: Main Kehra Teri Bund Maar Layi?

Hindi: Main Abhi Aapko Theek Karta Hoon.
Punjabi: Main Huney Teri Bhain Di Lun Dinda.

Hindi: Yeh Sab Kisne Kiya?
Punjabi: Aah Kehne Bhain Chudayi Apni ?

Hindi: Main Aapko Pasand Nahi Karta.
Punjabi: Main Teri Bund Ni Maarda.

Hindi: Aap Mein Risk Laine Ki Himmat Nahi Hai.
Punjabi: Tere Tattya Ch Dum Haini !!!

Hindi: Aap Ne Jo Krna Hai Kar Lena.
Punjabi: Tu Patt Layi Jehra Lun Puttna.

Hindi: Uski Baat Na Karo.
Punjabi: Bund Maar Ohdi.

Hindi: Aap Ne Mauka Gawa Diya Hai.
Punjabi: Lun Farh La Hun…
——————–

Pati, Patni Aur…
A Newly Married Couple Kept having sex 24×7. Is Vajah Se Woh Kaafi Weak Bhi Feel Karte Hain but They did not Stop. Akhirkaar Wo Ek Doctor Ke Paas Jaate Hain.
Doctor Said: Have Sex only on those days which have “R” in it i.e. ThuRsday, fRiday or SatuRday.
Couple Agreed.
On Monday Husband Asks his Wife: Darling Whats the Day Today?
Wife gives a Naughty smile & says: SomvaaR.
MORAL: Horny Ko Kaun Taal Sakta Hai !!!

Suhaag Raat Mein Wife: Muje Gabhrahat Ho Rahi Hai.
Husband: Tumhare Ye Pehli Raat Hai Isiliye ?
Wife: Nahi Ji Raat Mein Pehli Baar Hai Isiliye.

Apni Suhagrat Ko Pati Achhe Tarike Se Sex Nahi Kar Paya.
Subha Dulhe Ki Maa Ne Bahurani Se Puchha: Bahu, Suhagrat Kaisi Rahi?
Bahu Udasi Se: Maa Ji Kya Batau, Grah Parvesh Toh 2 Baar Hua, Par Grah Shanti Nahi Ho Paayi.

Wife: Zara Ye Bra Ka Hook Laga Dijiye Na, Please.
Husband: I will Charge 4 Kisses.
Wife: Rahne Do, Padosi Se Free Mein Lagva Leti Hun, Wo Haath Daal Kar Set Bhi Kar Denge.
——————–

Child,s Custody!
Husband and Wife in Court Discussion.
The Problem: Who should get Custody of the Child?

Wife jumped up and said, “Your Honour I brought the child into this world with Pain and Labour, so it should be in My Custody.”

The Judge turns to Husband and says, “What do You have to say in your defence?”

The Husband sits for a while contemplating then slowly says, “Your Honour. If I put a dollar in a Vending Machine and a Pepsi comes out, whose Pepsi is it? The Machine,s or Mine?”

Yeh sunke Wife replied, “Judge Sahab… Bartan Mera… Doodh bhi mera… aur usme dahi jamane ke liye 2 boond daalne se dahi bana toh phir wo dahi kiska? Mera ya 2 boond daalne wale ka?”

Husband replied, “Typewriter mein kagaz maine daala, keys daba-daba kar mehnat maine ki, phir chithi kiski? Typewriter ki ya Meri?”

Frustrated Judge, gusse mein, “Abey saale agar tu chithi haath se hi likh leta toh ye noubat hi na aati.
——————–

Successful Eye Surgery
Eyes ke operation ke baad doctor ki fees bachane ke chakkar mein babu ji bole, “Doctor sahab mujhe kuch dikh nahin raha.”

Doctor: Babu ji apni aankhien band kar lijiye aur phir dobara se dheere dheere kholiye.”

Babu: Doctor sahab mujhe ab bhi kuch dikhai nahi de raha.”

Doctor apni nurse ko Babu ji ke samne kapde utarne ke liye kehta hai.

Babu: “Mujhe kuch bhi nazar nahi aa raha.”

Doctor apni nurse ko taange kholney ke liye kehta hai.

Babu: “Doctor sahab mujhe such mein kuch nahi nazar aa raha hai.”

Doctor: “Abey chutiya samjha hai kya, kuch nazar nahi aa raha toh ye neeche erection kaise aur kyun ho rahi hai?”
——————–

Safe Kiss!!!
Boy: Can I Kiss you?

Girl: Condom laye ho?

Boy: Kiss k liye condom???

Girl: Sharif to aise ban rahe ho jaise kissing ke bad jo Khada hoga uspe 2015 ka Calender tangoge!!!
——————–

For My Future Spouse
Boy: I want to be in a relationship.

Girl: It,s okay but under one condition.

Boy: Which one ?

Girl : No sex, because I am preserving it for my future husband.

Boy: That,s okay, I also have my condition.

Girl: Which one ?

Boy: No using of my money because I am preserving it for my future wife!!!

Girl: Lo tum toh serious ho gaye… Arre I was kidding jaanu…

——–

Alok Nath Ke Sanskaar
Teacher to Alok Nath: Wo kya hai jo COW ke paas chaar aur mere paass 2 hain?
Alok Nath: Madam, Legs.

Mam: Wo kya hai jo tumhare PANT mein hai aur mere peticoat mein nahin?
Alok Nath: Ji, Pocket.

Mam: Wo kya hai jo din mein lene ke bajay raat ko bistar pe lte hain?
Alok Nath: Ji, Neend.

Mam: Wo kya hai jo LADKI 1st time karwane par jor se chillati hai.
Alok Nath: Kaan mein ched.

Mam: Wo kya hai jiske aadha jaane par dard hota hai par pura jaane par achcha lagta hai?
Alok Nath: Haathon mein Kangan.

Mam: Wo kya hai jiske paas ho to haath mein pakad kar hilata hai, aur jiske paas na ho toh ongli daal kar hilata hai?Hai.
Alok Nath: TOOTH BRUSH.

Ye Hote Hai Sanskaar… BC

Cheapest Contraceptive!
Santa bada dukhi sa hokar apne ek khaas Doctor dost ke pass jata hai aur apni samasya batata hai.

Santa: Yaar, koi sasta tareeka batao pregnency rokne ka.

Doctor: Condom lo.

Santa: Mahanga hai.

Doctor: Mala D lo.

Santa: Ye bhi mahangi hai.

Doctor: Nasbandi karwa lo.

Santa: Ye bhi kaafi mehnga hai.

Doctor, Gusse Se: Abe kamine, kanjoos kahnin ke, tum apni wife ke saath sex karna band kyun nahin kar dete?

Santa: Ye tarika toh paanch saal se try kar raha hoon phir bhi meri biwi pregnent ho jati hai.
——————–

Uncomfortable Feeling!
Ek bahut hi khubsoorat and sexy ladki doctor ke pass gayi aur boli: Doctor sahab mnere ko ajeeb si beemari hai.

Doctor: Kya?

Ladki: Main jab bhi cigarette peeti hun toh bada uncomfortable feel karti hun. Ek ajeeb si baichaini hoti hai. Jab mein pehla kash leti hoon toh apne shoes utaar deti hun, dusre kash mein socks, teesre kash mein shirt utaar deti hun, fourth kash mein apna lower, aur……..

Doctor beech mein usko tokte hue bola: Mujhe kuch samajh nahi aa raha, ek kaam karo ye lo cigarette ka packet aur aaram se pee kar batao.
——————–

First Night!!!
Ek aaadmi ki shaadi ek traafic police waali ladki se ho jaati hai.

Agle din uske doston ne pucha: Bata Bhai Kaisi Rahi Suhagrat?

Aadmi: Mat pucho yaar, bahut bura hua mere saath. Kisi Police waali ke saath kabhi shaadi mat karna.

Dost: Arre batao bhi, aisa kya ho gaya?

Aadmi: Usne suhaag raat ko hi mujhe 800 Rs ka jurmaana thok diya.

Dost, hairani se: Jurmaana!!! Oye kis cheez ka jurmaana?

Aadmi: 100 Rs Over Speed, 300 Wrong Side Entry aur 400 Rs Without Helmet ka…
——————–

Gift Wrap!!!
A Gujarati girl goes to a shopkeeper and asks: Bhaiya aapke yahan rape hota hai kya?

Shopkeeper (shocked: Madam, aage ki dukaan mein pooch lijiye, hum toh nahin karte rape.

The girl returns after sometime: Bhaiya woh toh bol rahe hain yahi hota hai, aapk hi karte hain. Please kar dijiye na, bahut der ho rahi hai.

Shopkeeper (embarassed) Madam please, aap aage dekh lijiye.

Girl: Taking out a gift to be wrapped… bhaiya itna sa toh hai, please kar dijiye na. Shopkeeper (blushing): Arre madam aisa boliye na wrap karna hai… Girl: Wahi toh kah rahi un kab se ki rape karwana hai… rape karwana hai…
——————–

Mera Number Kab Ayega?
Boss was fucking a lady in his office, Santa walked in.

Santa: Wah Sir, akele akele!!! Humara number kab?

Boss: Agar March ka target pura nahi hua bhosdike to agala number tera hi hai.
——————–

When I was a Kid…
Jab mein chota bachcha tha tab:

PUSSY ka matlab CAT hota tha;

SEX ka matlab GENDER hota tha;

BITCH was a FEMALE DOG;

DICK ek cartton movie ka naam tha;

BANG was a SOUND;

RUBBER was nothin but an ERASER;

ASS was an ANIMAL;

SCREW was just a fixing TOOL;

HEAD ka matla SAR hota tha;

BALLS meant cricket balls, tennis balls, Volly Ball or FOOTBALL…;

NUTS meant DRYFRUITS;

and when I met you all, my friends… meri poore Education ki maa behen ho gayi!!!!
——————–

Good News or Bad News???
Wife: Ek baat bolun???

Husband: Haan yaar, bolo…

Wife: Maaroge to nahi?

Husband: Kya bol rahi ho, kyun marunga bhala tumhe?

Wife: Daantoge bhin nahin….?

Husband: Bilkul nahin daantunga…, baat toh batao.

Wife: Main pregnant hun.

Husband: Hurray !!! Pagli kahin ki, its a good news, darr kyun rahi thi???

Wife: College ke dino mein ek baar papa ko bataya tha to badi maar padi thi…
——————–

Extra Bed!
Ek baar ek aadmi apne padosi se charpai lene gaya.

Aadmi: Bhai saab, agar aap ke paas koi extra charpai hai toh please de dijiye, hamare ghar kuch guests aa gaye hain.

Padosi: Hamare pass 2 hi charpai hain. Ek per mein aur mera ptaji sote hain. Dusri per maa aur meri biwi…

Aadmi: Saalon, charpai mat do per sona to sikh lo…
——————–

Half Sisters-
Pappu: Papa mujhe ek ladki se pyar ho gaya hai.

Santa: Wow kaun hai vo kushnasib ladki?

Pappu:- Pinky, apne Padosi Gupta ji ki Beti.

Santa: Ohh no beta, mein tumhe kuch batana chahta hun but tum promise karo mummy ko nahi bataoge.

Pappu: Promise nahi bataunga.

Santa: Actually Pinky tumhari sister hai.

Ye sun kar Pappu ne pinky ko bhula diya aur phir 2 mahine baad…

Pappu: Papa mujhe phirse ek ladki se pyar ho gaya hai, aur vo ladki bahut hot hai.

Santa: Wow! Ye to bahut achchi baat hai. Kaun hai vo ladki ?

Pappu: Rashmi, Apne padosi Vermaji ki beti.

Santa: Ohh no phir se, beta Rashmi bhi tumhari behan hai.

Pappu pagal hone laga tha, usne tang aakar rote huye apni mummy se kaha: Meine 6 ladkiyo se pyar kiya lekin sab papa ki betiyaan nikali.

Preeto: Aale aale, mera bachcha ro mat tu kisi se bhi pyar kar, tu unki mat sun vo tumhare papa nahi hai…
——————–

Biwi Ho Toh Aisi!
Wife: Jaanu! Aaj tumhari girlfriend night stay karne aa rahi hai ! Maine fridge mein beers and fresh fruit salad and bana ke rakha hai.

Room freshner side table par hai. Dotted condoms bed ke neeche hain.

Nahane ka soap, lime fragrance waala, aur new towel bhi nikaal ke rakh diya hai hai.

Main bachchon ko leker mummy ji ke yahan jaa rahi hoon, kal shaam tak aa jaungi. Program mein koi change ho toh inform kar dena, mein wahin aur ruk jaungi…!

Isko kahte hain – “Mungerilal ke haseen sapne…!!”
——————–

Idli Maker!!!
Ek din Banta apni wife Preeto ko khush karne ke liye idlis bana raha tha.

Wife: Arre wah darling, kya first-class idli bani hain. Ek baat batao tum itni achchi aur badi idlis kaise banate ho?

Banta: Oye, mere paas idli banane wala ek bada khaas type ka kapda hai. Yeh Dekho….

Wife: Haraamkhor yeh idli kapda nahin meri BRA hai….
——————–

5 Crore Lottery!
Ek Ladki ki 5 Crore ki lottery nikli. Company ne socha achanak bataaya to ladki khushi se mar sakti hai. Unhone us ladki ke best friend Tinku ko ye kaam saunpa, to inform her in such a way so that she does not die of shock.

Tinku went and started: Assume you get 1 Crore ki Lottery ? What will you do?
Ladki: I will strip Nude in front of you.

Tinku: Agar 2 Crore ki Nikle toh?
Ladki: You can fuck me as many times you want…

Tinku: Agar 5 Crore ki Lottery mile toh?
Ladki: I will suck your cock all day and night… You can fuck me in the back too. And moreover… I will give you half the money…

Saala Tinku hi khushi se marr gaya…

Lady Secretary interview:

Interviewer: Tumhari abilities kya hain?

Girl: Young hun, Dynamic hun, Sincere hun, Honest hun, Hardworking hun, Qualified hun, Experienced hun, Deserving hun, Typing janti hun, File sahi rakhti hun, Computer mein expert hun, thoda accounts bhi janti hun.

Boss: Aur kuch?

Girl: Disease free aur healthy hun, Copper- T lagayi hai, 7 positions aati hai, 69 mein Expert hun, aur Sabse important baat: Apne flat me akeli rehti hun…!

Boss: Bas kar pagli, ab kya joining ke Din hi promotion bhi legi!!!
——————–

Santa ki party mein dinner karte hue Banta ke paas Jeeto ji aayi aur boli, “Kya Banta ji, aapne toh kuch liya hi nahi,” aur chicken ki ek tangri uthha ke unki plate mein rakh diya.

Party khatam hone par Santa ne Banta se puchha, “Oye yaar Banta, khana kaisa tha?”

Banta, “Dishes toh sabhi badiya thi, par last mein bhabhi ji ne jo taang utha ke di na uska toh maza hi kuch aur tha, wah yaar mazaa aa gya .”
——————–

Ek bachcha ghar pe apna homework kar raha tha tabhi uski pencil neeche gir jaati hai.
Vo bachacha apni chest pe hath rakh ke pencil uthane ke liye jhukta hai.

Bachche ka Dad: Chest pe haath kyun rakha????

Bachha: Dad, Mujhe darr lag raha tha isliye.

Dad: Darr? Kaisa darr??!!!

Bachha: School mein madam bina haath rakhe jhuki thi, un ke dono lungs bahar aa gaye the…!!!!
——————–

Banta: Why are you hospitalised?

Santa: Padosan ki BILLI mere MURGE ke peeche padi hui thi. Maine uske husband ko english mein bataya, usne mujhe bahut maara…

Banta: Englih mein, aur vo bhi tumne? Aisa kya bola tumne English mein?

Santa: Control your wife,s pussy, she is after my cock…!”
——————–

Pathan being intrviewed at U.K Embasy:

CONSULATE: Your name please?
Pathan: Gul khan.

CONSLATE: Sex ?
Pathan: Ten times a week.

CONSULATE: I mean male or female?
Pathan: Both male and female and sometimes Camels too.

CONSULATE: You seem Ugly.
Pathan: Yes Ugly and Pichli both sides.

CONSULATE: Freaky Ass!
Pathan: Yes, sometimes free ki ass somtimes have to pay.
CONSULATE: Man are you hostile?
Pathan: Horse style,dog style any style.

CONSULATE: Oh dear!!!
Pathan: Deer? No deer they run very fast.
——————–

A Boy and a girl chatting on facebook…

Girl: Din bhar facebook pe online rehta hai, chutiya hai kya ?

Boy: Tu hogi chutiya… tera baap chutiya, teri maa chutiya… tera pura khandaan chutiyaa… aur fb tere baap ka hai kya..????
Girl (after 3-4 minutes): I was asking about holidays…vacations….

Blocked….
——————–

Banta: Tera Birthday kab hai?

Santa: Next week, Why?

Banta: Tujhe ghar ki windows ke liye parde gift karne hai. Teri wife ko tere saath sex karte hue dekh-dekh ke bore ho gaya hun.

Santa: Tera Birthday kab hai?

Banta: Next month, Why?

Santa: Tujhe binoculars gift karni hai, taaki tu dekh sake ki wife kiski hai.

Sometimes Santa also rocks!!!
——————–

Dosto Week Days Ke Naam Sun Sun Ke Bore Ho Gaye Hai.

Baba Saxidas Ne Apne Tharki Bhakto Ke Liye Weekdays Ke Naam Change Karke Kuch Is Tarha Se Rakhe Hai Jis Se Vo Pura Week Enjoy Kar Sake.

Moanday, Tongueday, Wetday, Threesumday, Fingerday, Sexday, & Suckday!

Baba Ji Ki Baat Pasand Lage To Share Jarur Karna.
——————–

Santa Apni Shaadi Ke Teen Din Pehle Call Girl Ke Paas Sex Ke Liye Jata Hai.

Call Girl Ko Itna Maja Aa Raha Tha Ke Usne Uske Land Pe Chaki (Bite) Kaat Li,

Santa Doctor Ke Paas Gaya, Doctor Ne Uske Land Per Patti Bandh Ke Tape Lagai Aur Use Achi Tarah Pack Kar Diya.

Jab Teen Din Baad Santa Ki Shaadi Hui To Wo Apni Patni Ke Saath Suhaag Raat Banane Laga. Uski Patni Ne Kaha.

Patni: Lo Ji Sonyo, Pesh Hai Ek Dam Fresh & Unused Choot

Santa Ka Dimag Bhi Kam Kiya Aur Vo Bola

Santa: Tu Fresh Ki Baat Kar Rahi Hai, Idhar Hamne To Aaj Tak Lode Ki Packing Bhi Nahi Kholi

Santa Apni Biwi Preeto Ke Sath Sex Kar Raha Thha, Par Usko Thoda Sa Tight Feel Hua.

To Usne Dimag Lagaya Aur Sath Mein Pade Glass Mein Se Doodh Liya Aur Lund Pe Laga Ke Chodna Shuru Kar Diya.

Aisa Karne Se Usko Itna Maja Aaya Ki Vo Roj Roj Yahi Karne Lag Gaya.

9 Mahine Bad Biwi Jab Pregnant Hui To Hospital Mein Admit Karvaya.

Jaisi Hi Doctor Operation Theater Se Bahar Nikla To Santa Ne Us Se Pucha.

Santa: Dr Saab, Kya Hua Baby Ya Baba?

Doctor Huste Hue: No Baby Or No Baba, Only 1kg Paneer Nikla Hai, Yahi Khana Hai Ya Pack Kar Du
——————–

Ek Ladki Ka Dil Chay Peene Ko Kiya

Par Jaise Hi Usne Fridge Khola To Usmein Doodh Hi Nahi Thha

Tabhi Use Idea Aya, Vo Apne Kamre Mein Gayi

Apne Kapde Utaare, Naye Kapde Pahne Aur Market Se Doodh Leke Aayi Aur Fir Chay Banake Pee.

Arey Aap Logo Ne Kyu Apna Pakad Liya Tha, Joke To Pura Veg Tha
——————–

Ek Patni Apne Pati Se Puchti Hai: “Suno Ji In Kutton Ko Kaise Pata Chalta Hai Ki Kutiya Ka Mann Ker Raha Hai?”

Pati: Unhe Soongh Kar Pata Chalta Hai

Patni Gusse Se Boli: To Bhonsdi Ke Tujhe Jukaam Hai Kya?


‘Ek faqir aurat ki gand mar raha tha
.
pati ne dekh liya to boli
.
mai kya karti,
faqir ne request kiya ki
koi aisi cheez dedo..
Jo saheb istemaal na karte ho
———————–

Tip of the day:
Ignore your problems like you ignore the male actor in a porn movie.