Non veg jokes in hindi

*ब्लू फिल्में* – क्यों देखना चाहिए

सबसे *सकारात्मक* फिल्म..
*ना* मारपीट, *ना* खून-खराबा, *ना* कोई लड़ाई-झगडा *ना* अशांति और *ना* ही धोखेबाजी..

इसमें भाग लेने वाले चरित्रों के बीच बहुत सारा *प्यार* और अंत हमेशा *सुखद* और *संतुष्टि* भरा..!!—

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पप्पू की गर्लफ्रेंड उसको हमेशा अपने साथ सेक्स करने से मना कर देती थी एक दिन दोनों बाजार में गए तो एक दूकान के बाहर एक सूंदर सी ड्रेस देखने के बाद लड़की बोली “जानू ये ड्रेस कितनी अच्छी लग रही है, दिला दो ना प्लीज” पप्पू मुस्कुराते हुए बोला “नो, बेबी… रिमेम्बर…. शादी से पहले कुछ नहीं”


सायकिल के मिस्त्री ने सुहागरात को पत्नी के

कपडे उतवाकर

बाथ-टब में बैठा दिया…

पत्नी घबरा गयी बोली – ये क्या कर रहे हो जी..

मिस्त्री – पंक्चर बनाता हूँ ,

मुझे तो पानी में ही मालूम चलता है छेद कहाँ है…?


मेरे चारो बॉयफ्रेंड मुझपे शक करते हैं कि मेरा किसी और से अफेयर है।।
हद हैं शक की।।


A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both startled and he says, “Ma’am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you’ll forgive me.” She replies, “if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I’m in room 1221.”


Husband & Wife Boxing ka match mehnga ticket khareed kar dekhne gaye . 1 Boxer ne 1st minute mei hi doosre ko knock out kar diya . Husband : Oh Shit . Biwi : Ab Aap ko patta challa k 1 minute mein ” KHEL ” khatam hone par kitna ghussa aata hai . Jin ko samjh aaya wo aagay forward karen . baki pogo dekhe… ??????


Pappu apni girlfriend se sex karte huye, Romantic baate kar rha tha. Girlfriend – Jaanu wada karo, Tum mera dil nahi todoge. Pappu – Nahi pagal, Mera panis itana lamba nahi hain.


HONEYMOON H – Hawas mita do O – Or chuso N – Nanga karke E – Ek hi jhatke mein Y – Yeh gaya M – Maar dala O – Or dalo O – Or tez N- Ni..k..a..l g..a. y..a


Girl Friend: Mera rishta aaya hai aur shadi hone wali hy. Boy Friend: That’s Good, Phir to hum condom ke bina sex kar sakenge.
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Ladka: “Kash main teri bra hota, to sara din tere boobs se chipka rahta” Ladki: “Main kisi aur se dabva rahi hoti, aur tu zameen par dhool chat raha hota”
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Wife: Agar dunia sirf 30 minute mein khatam ho rahi ho to tum kya karna chahoge? Husband: Off course Sex. Aur baki ke 29 Minutes?-


Son: (pointing to the breast) Mom ye kya hai? Mom: Ye balloon hai. Son: Mom aapke balloon kamwali ke balloon se chhote kyun hain? Mom: Tune kamwali ke kab dekhe? Son: Jab papa hawa bhar rahe the.


Minister To Wife: Sach Sach Batao,Kitni Bar Humse Bewafai Ki Hai ? Wife: 3 Baar, Minister: Kab Kab? Wife: Jab Aapka Heart Ka Operation Hua Tha, Dr.K Pas Gayi Thi, Fir Jab Aap Jail Me Band Hue To Judge K Pas Gayi Thi, Minister: Aur Kab? Wife: Jab Aapko Sarkar Banani Thi Aur Aapke Paas 76 MLA Kam The..!
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Agar reliance wala BRA banayega to slogan kya hoga. -Come on India Karlo Mumme muthi me. -Mere papa ka sapna – sabke doodh par ho dhakkan apna
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Raat ko kamre ka lock kharab hogaya tha…
Biwi ne torch li aur mujhe sath lekar lock theek karne chali.

Biwi ne torch mujhe thamaayi aur khud lock kholne me lag gayi.

Kaafi samay guzar gaya lekin lock tha ki khulne ka naam hi nahi le raha tha.

Biwi ka paara saatwein aasmaan ko chhoone laga.

Phir usne torch khud pakad li aur mujhe kaha ki tum try karo. Maine koshish kiya toh lock jhat se khul gaya.

Biwi mujh pe baras padhi aur kahne lagi…

Ab pata chala?? ??Torch kaise pakadte hain ????

?????


Pappu ki nayi nayi shadi huyi.

Suhagrat ke din pappu ne dulhan ko nanga karke,

Uske niche mombatti jalakar rakh di.

Dulhan – Kutte pagal hain kya ?

Pappu – Dosto ne btaya tha,

Sex karne se pahale garm karne se jyeda maja aata hain. ????


Kisan ki suhagrat thi.

Apni patni ke pet pe hath phekar bola –

Ye meri jamin hain, Isme main aalu bounga, aur so gya.

Agale din boobs dawate huye –

Ye mere aalu hain, inka main bij bnaung.

Tisre din jaise hi usne patni ki kamar me hath dala.

patni gusse se – Agar aaj tune mere andar gajar nahi boyi,

To main ye jamin kisi aur ko de dungi. ????-


Bachpan Se 2 Hi Cheezein Sabse Zyada Mili Hain Biscuits Aur Dost!
Fark Sirf Itna Hai Ki Biscuits Marie Ke Mile Aur Dost…
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Chut-Marie Ke!


Husband is praying before going to bed …

Wife: What are you praying for?

Husband: For guidance.

Wife: Pray for hardness. Leave guidance to me!!-


Fauji’s wife daily sends her 
nude photo with both legs wide open …

“Janu, I’ll wait like this till you come!”

Fauji: Wo to theek hai, 
par photo kaun kheench raha hai??

Girl Friend: I demand gud manners in bed, 
just like at the dinner table …

Sardar climbs into bed slowly & says: 
Honey, would you pass the boobs please??-


 Girl: condoms Dena..

Shopkeeper(masti main): kis liye -e-e-e

Girl(Gusse se): Tere baap ko gift karungi, 
taki tere jaisa dusra 
CHUTIYA paida na kare….-


Shop pe Ladki ne 36 ki Bra li or trial room me 
kameez uttar ke dukandar ko andr bulaya.

Dukandar ne Boobs dekh ke chusna shuru 
kar diye jin pe behoshi ki dawa lagi hui thi, 
Wo behosh ho gaya.

Ladki ne shop ka tamam Cash liya &
 jate hue shishe pe likh gai:

Khula Dudh Sehat ke lie Hanikarak Hai !!-


Ek Admi gusse me Biwi se bola-
Dil karta hai ki aaj tere tukde tukde kar k idhar udhar fek Du.

Achanak pados me se awaaz aayi..
Bhai ‘choot’ idhar fekna.


शराबियों से ज्यादा शिष्टाचारी कोई नहीं होता – अगर Peg तबियत से लगे हों तो!

टकराई हुई भैंस को भी ‘बहन जी सॉरी’ बोलकर आगे बढ़ जाते हैं।


बंता: संता बता सकते हो सबसे अच्छी मेडीसिन कौन सी है?

संता: बियाग्रा!

बंता: वो कैसे?

संता: क्योंकि उसका कोई साइड इफेक्ट नहीं है सिर्फ फ्रंट इफेक्ट है!


सानिया मिर्जा 7 सालो में भी #माँ क्यों नही बन पाई ?
????????????

अब कैसे…????????

????????

समझाऊ की….
????????????????

पाकिस्तानी सामने से वार नही करते…!!
????????????????⁠⁠⁠⁠


अस्पताल में…
इतनी सारी नर्सेज़ होने के बावजूद…
:
:
:
:
रक्तदान करते समय, हाथ में…

रबर की बॉल क्यों पकड़ाई जाती है…??
????????????
मै इसका विरोध करता हूँ


इसे केहते है “खौफ”
एक medical store पर
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लङका :- 50 कंडोम देना
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पास में खङी 2 लङकियाँ हँसने लगी ।
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लङका : 52 देना ।
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दोनो लङकिया गायब????????????


A little boy walks into his parents’ room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks, “What were you and Dad doing?” The mother replies, “Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it.” “You’re wasting your time,” said the boy. “Why is that?” asked his mom, puzzled. “Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up.”


The best example of “Doosron ki khushi me apni khushi dhoondhna”. Watching Porn. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ What do you call a situation when two people are thinking of sex and rest of the people are thinking about food? Wedding ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The “Smoking Kills” warning on cigarette packs is like girls saying “Rehne Do, Koi Dekh Lega” – nothing more than a ritual! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A woman without curves is like a Jeans without pockets; You don’t know where to put your hands! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Obscene caller: Hi baby, if you can guess what’s in my hand I will let you have it. Lady: Listen, if you can hide it in one hand then I am not interested! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ World’s most romantic line ever said by a girl to her boyfriend: Achha Baba… Karlo!-


Boy- I Want To Sex With U Girl- Tamij Se Baat Karo Boy- Alla Tala Ke Fazlo Karam Se Khuda Ka Ye Nek Banda Ap Mohtarma Ko Arju-E-Fitrat Se Be Inteha Ch*Dna Chahta Hai….


Teacher : Hamesha kaho ki mujhe sab pata hai. Chotte : Papa mujhe sab pata hai Papa : beta ye 50 ruppee le aur chup rehna. Chotte : Mummy muje sab pata hai Mummy : beta ye 100 ruppee le aur chup rehna. Chotte (nokar se): Raamu kaka mujhe sab pata hai Ramu kaka : Aa mera beta apne baap ke gale lag jaa..!


Teacher ne kaha – Translate hindi to english, “khushi ke maare uski chhaati phool gai”. Santa translated – “Due to happiness his chest turned in to breast”!!!

Santa: Tera baap doctor hai, phir bhi tu bimar ho gaya. Kitne sharam ki baat hai? Banta: BC tera baap bhi to condom bechta hai, phir bhi to tu paida hua na chutiye.


Ek ladki ne jor se kaha

Abdul teri maa ka bhosda, madarchod…Paas khade sadhu ne kaha beti aisa nahi bolte hai, kya baat hui.

Ladki boli-usne mere boobs dabaye.

Baba ne boobs dabakar kaha – aise dabaye..

Ladki – haa baba, phir usne mere kapde khole.

Baba ne uske kapde kholkar bole -aise.

Ladki – haa baba

Baba – is par gali dena shobha nahi deta.

Ladki – phir usne mujhe litakar chod diya.

Baba ne chodkar bole aise choda.

Ladki – haa baba

Baba – isme bhi gali dena shobha nahi deta.

Ladki – baba usne chodne ke bad bataya ki use aids hai.

Baba :- abdul madarchod….. Teri maa ka bhosda!!!!!…

NON VEG JOKES PART 2