1000+ Latest best funny south Indian jokes – मजेदार हिंदी चुटकुले

The Bank manager could not reply to this one!

Bank Manager goes to a south Indian restaurant.
He asks the waiter – What have you got?
Waiter – Idly , vada, uppma, pongal, dosa , poori, parotta, naan, oothappam, idiyappam..
Banker – OK ok..bring idly, vada, and dosa. And 2 oothappam for parcel..
Waiter – Sorry sir…all sold out. Nothing is left.
Banker – Why then the hell you recited such a big menu ?
Waiter – Sir , I go to your ATM daily. After asking for PIN , Account details, Amount required , whether printed receipt required etc.,
It finally says ‘ ‘No Cash’…..
Now you know how it feels when that happens!!!!!


दुनिया चाहे कितनी भी तरक्की कर ले…

दुनिया चाहे कितनी भी तरक्की कर ले

ये कभी पता नहीं लगा सकते कि साउथ की

फिल्मों में बाप काला और बेटी दूध जैसी गोरी क्यों होती है.


एक दोस्त : अगर नारियल के पेड़ पर चढ़ जाऊं…

एक दोस्त : अगर नारियल के पेड़ पर चढ़ जाऊं

तो इंजीनियरिंग कॉलेज की लड़कियां दिख जाएंगी?

दूसरा दोस्त : जरूर! और हाथ छोड़ दोगे तो

मेडिकल कॉलेज की लड़कियां भी दिख जाएंगी.


South Indian Joke

Two South Indian men get on a bus. As it is not possible in India not to talk to the next person in the bus, these guys also sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

“Emma come first. Then I come. Then two asses come together and I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then finally I come one lasta time.”

“You foul mouthed swine,” retorted the lady indignantly. “In this country we don’t talk about our sex lives in public!”

“Hey, coola down lady,” replied the man. “Who talkin’ abouta sexa? I’m just tellin’ my frienda how to spella ‘Mississippi’.”


WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A North Indian GIRL as WIFE

1. At the time of marriage, a north Indian girl has more boyfriends than her age.

2. Before marriage, she looks almost like a bollywood heroine and after marriage you have to go around her twice to completely hug her.

3. By the time she professes her undevoted love to you, you are bankrupt because of the number of times you had to take her out to movies, theatres and restaurants. And you wait longingly for her dowry.

4. The only dishes she can think of to cook is paneer butter masala, aloo sabji, aloo gobi sabji, aloo matar, aloo paneer, that after eating all those paneer and aloos you are either in the bed with chronic cholestrol or chronic gas disorder.

5. The only growth that you see later in your career is the rise in your monthly phone bill.

6. You are blinded by her love that you think that she is a blonde. Only later do you come to know that it is because of the mehandhi that she applies to cover her grey hair.

7. When you come home from office she is very busy watching “Kyonki saas bhi kabi bahu thi” that you either end up eating outside or cooking yourself.

8. You are a very “ESpecial” person to her.

9. She always thought that Madras is a state and covers the whole of south india until she met you.

10. When she says she is going to “work out” she means she is going to ” walk out”

11. She has greater number of relatives than the number of people you have in your home town.

12. The only two sentences in English that she knows are “Thank you” and “How are you”


WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A South Indian GIRL as WIFE

1.Her mother looks down at you because you didn’t study in IIT or Madras / Anna University.

2. Her father starts or ends every conversation with ” … I say…”

3. She shudders if you use four letter words.

4. She has long hair, neatly oiled and braided (The Dubai based Oil Well Company will negotiate with her on a 25 year contract to extract coconut oil from her hair.)

5. She uses the word ‘Super’ as her only superlative.

6. Her name is another name for a Goddess or a flower.

7. Her first name is longer than your first name, middle name and surname combined (unless you are from Andhra)

8. When she mixes milk/curd and rice you are never sure whether it is for the dog or for herself.

9. For weddings, she sports a mini jasmine garden on her head and wears silk saris in the Madras heat without looking too uncomfortable while you are melting in your singlet.

10. Her favourite cricketer is Krishnamachari Srikkanth.

11. Her favourite food is dosa though she has tried North Indian snacks like Chats (pronounced like the slang for ‘conversation’)

12. She bores you by telling you which raaga each song you hear is based on.

13. You have to give her jewellery, though she has already got plenty of it ..

14. Her Mangal Sutra weighs more than the championship belts worn by WWF wrestlers.

15. Her father thinks she is much smarter than you.


Punjabi vs South Indian funny Jokes sms messages collection

Punjabi marries a South Indian.. Banner outside marriage hall says: SODA weds DOSA..

Panjabi walks in late for the wedding

Punjabi: Shadi ki Rasam hui?

South Indian: Pahila Shadi hoga, baad mein Rassam milega. Rascala!

—————————————–

Punjabi BF : Kya hua koi problem?

South Indian GF : Nahi

BF : Arey batao na

GF : #ஒருசொல்கவிதை

BF : Chalo khana banao

—————————————–

Punjabi weddings: bas ek peg aur. South indian weddings: bas ek pooja aur.

—————————————–

A south indian’s “Aiyoo” = A Punjabi’s “Oh Teri” = A Bong’s “Ishhh” = A Marathi’s “Ailaaa”!
United by feelings divided by sound.

Pappu- Yaar Ye South-Indian

Pappu-Yaar Ye South-Indian Itne Kaale Q Hote He?!

Dipu-Q Ki Wo 24 Ghante SuN Tv Or SuRYa Tv Hi Dekhte Rhete He..


Some one of the famous Indian jokes :

New Jokes :-

1). Height of Facebook update, A newly born baby’s status

“Thanks God! Got delivered successfully.”

At- Apollo hospital, jaipur. With Suresh, Ramesh, Sonu, Moni, Pappu,Pinki, pooja and my girl friend Sonam.

2). BF: Baby are you jealous?

GF: No.

BF: Baby are you jealous?

GF: No.

BF: Baby are you jealous?

GF: I already told you, No!

BF: Baby can I get a kiss?

GF: GO GET A KISS FROM THAT UGLY GIRL THAT LIKED YOUR STATUS ON FACEBOOK!

3). Ghanta Singh road par potty kar raha tha…

Police aayi aur use pakad liya…

Jab police use le jane lagi to Ghanta Singh bola:

“O kanoon ke rakhwalo, yeh Saboot to utha lo”

4). English Teacher: ‘One cute young girl is walking on the road.’
Change this into an
exclamatory sentence.

Student: “Aaila Item!!!”

5). Son was crying…

Dad came and asked, why are you crying? tell me… i am your friend na…?

Son: kuchh nahi yaar, horlicks ki jagah chai maang li, toh teri wali ne maara!

6). Teacher: Homework ku nhi kiya?

Student: Sir, Light nahi Thi

Teacher: To MomBatti Jala Lete….

Student: Sir, Maachis nahi Thi

Teacher: Machis Kyun nahi thi

Student: Pooja ghar me rakhi thi.

Teacher: To Wahan Se Le Aate

Student: Nahaya Hua nahitha

Teacher: Nahaye Kyun nahi thi.

Student: Pani Nahi Tha Sir.

Teacher: Pani Kyu Nahi Tha?

Student: Sir Motor Nahi Chal Rahi Thi.

Teacher: Ullu Ke Pathe Motor Kyun Nahi Chal Rahi Thi???

Student: Sir Bataya to ttha Light nahi thi

7). Question: “How to kill an ant?Asked in an Exam for 10 Marks!!

Student: in toMix Chilly Powder with Sugar,& keep It Outside the Ant’s Hole..! After eating, Ant will Search for some Water near a Water tank.Pushintoit.. =!! Now Ant will go to Dry itself Near Fire,When it Reaches fire, Put a Bomb into D fire..!! Then Admit Wounded Ant in ICU.! And Remove Oxygen Mask from it’s Mouth and Kill the Ant.. !!

MORAL:

Don’t Play with Students.. !!

They can do any thing for 10 Marks..

8). Santa – Kaun se Caste k log sabse ache naagrik hote hain?

Banta – baniye

Santa – Wo Kaise? :O

Banta – Har Jagah likha jota hai, Desh k ache nagrik “baniye”, Desh bhakt “baniye”

9). Kapil Sharma and a Girl were standing on a Bus Stop

Kapil: Oo Ji Main kha… Nice Lipstick

Girl: Thanks

Kapil: Oo Ji Main kha… Nice Top and Jeans

Girl: Thanks

Kapil: Oo Ji Main kha… Nice Earrings

Girl: Thanks

Kapil: Aur to aur Nice Necklace

Girl: Thank you So Much BHAIYA…

Kapil: Kamaal Hai, Itni saari acchhi cheezein, Phir bhi tu Bhootni Lag rahi hai…!!

10). Pandit ka Tota (parrot) roz 1 aadmi ko dekhta ar Bolta,

“aur kameene”!!

Us admi ne pandit se shikayat ki to pandit ne tote to danta…

Agle din jab vo admi tote ke karib se guzra to tota kuch na bola…

thoda aage jake us admi ne mud ke dekha to tota haste hue bola..

“SAMAJH TO TU GAYA HI HOGA”!!

Bonus Joke :-

Boy: Tu kitne baje uthati hai?

Girl: Apna koi time nahin
jab dil kare so jati hoon,
aur jab dil kare uth jati hoon..

Boy: Notty!
Tu bilkul mere ‘kutte’ pe gayi hai..